4 January 2012

Finding my Calling

For years we talked about calling. Some of my colleagues then in church talked about their calling to be pastors. Others shared about their calling to be teachers of the Word. Still some spoke of their calling to the Chinese ministry or to the community. I was serving in the Resources ministry then, but I do not felt called to sell books as a life long ministry or calling. What is my Calling? It is that one thing that was illusive for me for a long time.

Until last night, that is.

At 47 years and 2 months, I finally caught onto what I think is my calling.

After reading Ps Edmund's Cultivating Your Inner Life, chapter 3 on My Pilgrimage of Surrender - A Steadfast Calling, I was reminded of my futile search for my calling.His words, "Calling is everything. We've got to know our station and keep our station" gave me fresh impetus to seek for calling. I wrote in the reflections page, what is my calling? I prayed and asked God to show me afresh again. Never did I expect Him to answer that night at 5am.

Leading to His answer that early morning was my departmental work plan meeting. One of the staff shared about teachers making a difference (see video: below). I was touched by it, though I seen it before a few years ago, but did not think much about it.

Last might I was suddenly awoken. My thoughts were on my calling and suddenly the video and calling linked. I was not sure and asked if there is a verse to confirm it. Luke 19:10 came back plus my Isa 42:6,7. Instantly I knew I was to remain as a teacher in my Institution amd to make a real difference to the students there. One students per term. To save that which was lost, by re-directing their lives. To be that father-adult figure for them in their lives.

Now suddenly 2012 is alive for me. With meaning and purpose, instead of yet just another year to push through.

Praise God.

p.s. why was it difficult to discover my calling? and why till now? Maybe it had to do with surrender. Years ago, I wanted to do my own thing. Win the world in my youthfulness. Now, I have not won anything. Everything looks dimmer and every challenge fills me with doubt as whether I can still do it now? Its like God encountering Moses 40 years later in the desert and asking him to lead the people out of Egypt. For me I have surrendered what it left of my life, my shattered dreams for Him to make it beautiful again. Maybe, that's why its easier.  

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