4 May 2008

Liquid egg to hard-boiled?

Today is one of those Sundays where God spoke. First it was through the worship song and then the sermon.

We sang all ‘oldies’ today – but it was good once a while to remember our songs of old, instead of the newer and ‘noisier’ songs. When it came to “How great Thou art”, there was a phrase there that struck me, “When Christ shall come and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart…” A quick thought struck me – is it joy that will fill my heart, or something else? Maybe shame. Or regret?

For me the certainty of Christ’s return has never been a doubt. But yet, I’m still somehow stuck in the wallowing process. Where I will meet the Saviour and yet had little to show and yet feel indifferent and not fearful enough to do anything about it. Sad. Shame. Apathy. The communion that we had just gone through came forth as a reminder – don’t just sing and shout about your love for God, show Him the works. Where do you love God? I can last time. I cannot now – sure I have tokens here and there, but deep down I know it’s not enough. The heart has not changed yet.

Then came the next strike. The speaker shared about the story of 3 things: carrots, egg and coffee. They are went through the hot water of “affliction” but came out differently. The hard carrot became softer in the hot boiling water. The liquid egg became hardened in the process of prolonged boiling. The coffee was different – it totally changes its substance and gave off a wonderful aroma. The speaker then went on to ask, “What kind are we?”

No prize for guessing. I’m not the 1st and 3rd kind, but the 2nd kind – once soft and pliable in the hands of God, now bitter and hardened (thankfully not totally hardened). Have I allowed myself to be hardened by persecution/trials? Have I seen things wrongly and blamed God? The next question is important: how long more am I going to remain hardened?

Today the pastors urged us to sign up and be involved in service or ministry. Suddenly I remembered my BB days – shall I join them back? And jump into the trying but happy days? Now I have little ministry – a lot of time but not much growth and challenges and don’t need God. Last time it was very packed days, worry like crazy and praying like desperate men – and grew a lot.

Whither the BB ministry? Or maybe a mentoring type of ministry?

Please show the way LORD.

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