27 April 2008

When you are at the end of the rope

Today is one of those days when I'm really at the end of my 'rope'. I had always wished for a family that goes to church together, worships and serves together. But it seemed that it is not really happening now. This morning, I had to call and force my 8 year old daughter to wake up and go to church. She screamed, "I don't want!" Why? Silence. A silence that is due more to defiance and apathy than guilt. At my own lost of words to persuade and cajole, I turned to my wife. She called once and then promptly also dozed back to sleep.

True, we are all going through a bad patch. My daughter had been ill for more than a week. At the 3rd visit to the doctor, she was diagnosed to have a chest infection, which necessitated more rests (tomorrow is her exam). My wife had a tough time to look after her and it also incurred sleepless nights. Of course, while all these things were happening, it didn't help that my younger daughter was throwing her tantrums to wrest back attention.

So here we are, all my 3 ladies preferred to sleep more than to go church. In anger, I screamed, "Why is it that no one cares for the things of God?" And I left to go to church - a broken man.

Today's sermon was aptly titled, "Don't Lose heart". Talk about good timing. Ps Kai was sharing on we not losing heart: when you receive our ministry as a gift (it's God's not ours); when you redefine our success markers; and when we recognise that it's all about our Master.

The part that struck me was when we shared about how Andy asked about the practical part - how do we put it into practise on how to die to ourselves so that we do not lose heart? He said that most of us have not died enough, simply because we have not been at our end of the rope. We are still managing the pain, still "wisely" working out alternatives, but not at that point where we have no one else to turn to but God.

For me, the last few years were hard for the family. Our communication was strained. The gals were becoming independent and at times defiant. The finance part was trying. Most things, if I'm not spiritually-focused, are crumbling and coming apart.

This morning, when I let out that scream, I am literally at the end of my rope. Help from on high is really needed. Ps Kai reminded us that it is exactly in times like this, when we let go and let God, that we can have a breakthrough.

But how? I struggled. By surrendering and waiting and letting go. Pray. He will take over and I will have cause to rejoice and to share His great works. Now it's still all about how & what I do to cover up the situation. When I let go, a new supernatural wave will come in and take over.

Do your work LORD.

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