5 June 2007

mid-life thots

Mid Life is tough. You seemed to have lived for a long time and have plenty of memories and opinions about anything. Yet in each of these, you have your questions, uncertainties and regrets.

I am an educator ’stucked’ in a pre-tertiary institution teaching a perceived “useless” non-core subject. The students don’t take this non-examinable subject seriously. The management have their own agendas and ‘Key Performance Indicators’ to achieve and they will not rock the boat for you. Through a long stay in my previous job, my earlier relevant professional experiences are now made redundant and archaic. I cannot find job satisfaction here and i cannot find a way out to do other jobs.

In this ‘dead end’ I became miserable and dwell in self-pity and resentment towards my previous vocation. My regret is that I should have left earlier, when I am more ‘market-able’. Yet, why did i stay on? Perhaps next year will be better - that was my thinking then, which on hindsight seems too indulgent to the organisation.

Where is God in all these? Has He abandoned me?

God is good. He still is. Even though I do not hear anything, it does not mean that He has abandoned me. Tough times will refine me. Hang in there.

In life, our perspectives are important. What we see will determine our attitudes and emotions. Do I see a caring Father God ? Or do I see a God who has left me already?

Postscript:

After this journal was posted, I remembered a scene in Vivo City's Pet safari shop. There was a lame dog brought in by his owner, a Caucasian lady. The dog was one of those white background with black patches, a mongrel probably more than 2-3 years old. What struck me was that this dog had only 2 legs. Both its hind legs were gone, and it walked around with a bum support for its hind legs. The dog seemed to lost most of its vigour and was very docile. It was certainly a very different sight and almost everyone was staring at it. My own girls were pointing and saying in a loud voice that it has only 2 legs! I guessed that must have embarrassed the owner.

What was more striking for me was the love of the owner. She could have easily put it to sleep to spare herself of the trouble to look after this lame & blemished dog. But she did not and continued to love the dog with much care and tender loving words. The dog licked the owner in return for all her kind words.

I would definitely have taken the easier path to put it to SPCA or to put it to sleep. Maybe that's me. Always the path of least resistance. No troubles please. Fuss free please. And perhaps never knowing what true commitment means. Nor how God can overturn tough times and mould me in the process.

There's still another thought that struck me in all these observations. It's greater than the 1st two. The picture of this lady owner gave me a wonder picture of the Covenantal love of God. He does not, and will not give up on us. No matter what happens to me. 2 legs lesser, or any other parts of me short. His love is constant and will not short changed me in any way.

I am comforted by my wonderful heavenly Father. Praise God!

0 comments:

Total Pageviews